7 Critical Signs There’s Still Hope For Your Relationship, According To A Couples Therapist
Recognize the key indicators that your relationship can survive tough times—expert advice from a couples therapist.
Every relationship experiences highs and lows, but when the challenges seem to outweigh the positives, it’s natural to question whether your partnership can survive. Making the decision to end a long-term relationship is rarely easy, especially when so much time, energy, and emotion have been invested. Before concluding that your relationship is beyond repair, it’s important to pause and reflect. Licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT, highlights seven critical signs that indicate there is still hope for your relationship—even in the face of adversity.
These signs aren’t just about wishful thinking; they’re about tangible, observable behaviors and emotions that suggest a foundation for rebuilding. By identifying them, you can make a more informed decision about whether to work on your relationship or walk away. Let’s explore each sign in detail.
1. You’re Still Learning and Growing
A stagnant relationship is often a sign of impending trouble. When both partners feel stuck, with no forward momentum or personal growth, the relationship can become frustrating and unfulfilling. However, if you notice that your relationship continues to challenge you—pushing you to become a better version of yourself—that’s a strong indication that it’s still viable. Thompson notes that relationships worth holding onto are those in which couples navigate challenges together and learn from them. Growth, both as individuals and as a couple, is a hallmark of resilience and hope.
- Reflective Questions: Are you and your partner open to feedback? Do you support each other’s personal goals? Do you find yourselves evolving rather than repeating the same patterns?
- Action Step: Encourage open conversations about personal growth and celebrate each other’s achievements, no matter how small.
2. You Care a Lot About Your Partner’s Feelings
Empathy is the lifeblood of a healthy relationship. When couples start to drift apart, it’s often because they stop considering each other’s needs and emotions. But if you still feel genuine concern for your partner’s well-being—and they for yours—that warmth and connection are promising signs. Thompson emphasizes that caring about your partner’s feelings, desires, and needs is a critical indicator that the relationship can endure.
- Reflective Questions: Do you check in with your partner about their day? Do you notice when they’re upset and try to comfort them? Are you able to forgive each other’s mistakes?
- Action Step: Practice active listening and make an effort to validate each other’s emotions, even during disagreements.
3. You Can Still Laugh Together
Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress and conflict. Research has shown that couples who can share a sense of humor—even during tough times—tend to feel closer and more connected. Humor lightens the mood, diffuses tension, and helps partners remember why they enjoy each other’s company. Thompson points out that if you can still find reasons to laugh together, your relationship likely has a solid emotional foundation.
- Reflective Questions: Do you and your partner share inside jokes? Can you laugh at yourselves or the absurdity of life together? Do you try to joke during tense moments?
- Action Step: Prioritize fun activities and create opportunities for laughter, whether through games, movies, or simply reminiscing about funny memories.
4. You Can Still Remember What Brought You Together
It’s easy to lose sight of the initial spark as the years pass and routine sets in. However, research published in the journal Personal Relationships found that recalling your first moments together can reignite passion and affection. Remembering what drew you to your partner—whether it was shared interests, physical attraction, or deeper values—can help you reconnect with those findings. Thompson suggests that this nostalgic reflection is a hopeful sign, as it means the emotional core of your connection still exists.
- Reflective Questions: Can you recall your first date or the moment you realized you were in love? Do you ever revisit those memories together? Does talking about your early days make you feel closer?
- Action Step: Set aside time to reminisce about your relationship’s beginnings. Share stories, look at old photos, or revisit special places.
5. There Are Still Moments of Comfort
Even in the midst of conflict, couples in salvageable relationships often experience fleeting moments of connection. Thompson describes these as “moments of comfort”—times when you still feel safe, understood, or at ease with your partner. These might include sharing a laugh, talking about your day, or simply enjoying each other’s quiet company. If you still experience these pockets of warmth and closeness, it’s a sign your relationship hasn’t completely lost its emotional glue.
- Reflective Questions: Do you ever feel “at home” with your partner, even during tough times? Do you have shared routines or rituals that bring you comfort? Are there moments when the stress fades, even briefly?
- Action Step: Notice and appreciate these moments when they happen. Let your partner know when you feel that sense of comfort, and work to create more of them.
6. You Both Want to Work on the Relationship and Still See a Future Together
Shared goals and intentions are perhaps the most vital sign of hope. If both partners are willing to put in the effort—whether that means having difficult conversations, seeking professional help, or making changes to habits—the relationship has a much higher chance of survival. Thompson stresses that this mutual commitment to repairing and rebuilding is a key indicator that your partnership is worth saving.
- Reflective Questions: Are you both open to counseling or therapy? Do you discuss your future together? Are you willing to make compromises and changes for the sake of your relationship?
- Action Step: Have an honest conversation about your commitment to each other and your relationship. Consider couples therapy as a proactive step, not a last resort.
7. You Make the Effort to Keep Your Partner and the Relationship a Priority
Life’s demands can easily push relationships to the back burner, but couples who prioritize each other—even during busy or stressful periods—are more likely to stay connected. Thompson explains that making your partner and your relationship a priority is essential for long-term success. This means scheduling quality time, communicating openly, and aligning your expectations for the relationship.
- Reflective Questions: Do you still make time for date nights or meaningful conversations? Do you check in with each other regularly? Are your expectations for the relationship compatible?
- Action Step: Set boundaries around work, hobbies, and family obligations to ensure your relationship gets the attention it deserves.
| Sign | Description | Action Step |
|---|---|---|
| Learning & Growing | Encouraging each other’s personal development | Discuss goals and support each other’s growth |
| Empathy & Care | Genuine concern for each other’s feelings | Practice active listening and validation |
| Laughter | Ability to share humor, even in tough times | Create fun moments and inside jokes |
| Shared Memories | Recalling what initially drew you together | Reminisce about early days |
| Comfort | Moments of warmth and connection | Notice and nurture these moments |
| Mutual Effort | Both want to work on the relationship | Discuss commitment and consider therapy |
| Priority | Partnership remains a focus | Schedule quality time and align expectations |
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How do I know if my relationship is beyond repair?
A: According to Thompson, relationships with no chance of recovery are typically marked by a lack of mutual respect, a persistent unwillingness from one or both partners to work on issues, and attempts to fix problems that come too late. If these don’t describe your situation, there is likely still hope.
Q: Can couples therapy help even if we’ve grown apart?
A: Yes, couples therapy can be effective if both partners are willing to engage honestly and work on the relationship. Therapy can help you communicate better, resolve recurring conflicts, and rediscover your connection, even if you’ve drifted apart.
Q: What if only one of us wants to save the relationship?
A: While it’s challenging, change can still happen if one partner is committed to growth. However, the most meaningful progress occurs when both partners are invested. Consider individual therapy to explore your feelings and next steps.
Q: How often should we check in on our relationship?
A: Regular check-ins—weekly or monthly—can help you address issues before they escalate. Use these times to share appreciations, discuss concerns, and reaffirm your commitment to each other.
Q: Is it normal to have doubts about your relationship?
A: Doubts are common, especially during challenging periods. What matters is how you address them—open communication, self-reflection, and a willingness to work through difficulties are signs of hope, not failure.
When Is It Time to Seek Professional Help?
If you recognize several of the signs of hope but still struggle with communication, recurring arguments, or emotional distance, couples therapy may be beneficial. Therapy offers a safe space to explore your relationship’s strengths and challenges, learn new skills, and rebuild intimacy.
Major life transitions—such as marriage, parenthood, job loss, or grief—can also put additional strain on a relationship. If you’re navigating these changes and finding it difficult to stay connected, therapy can provide valuable support.
Conclusion
Relationships are complex, and doubt is a natural part of any long-term partnership. However, the presence of learning and growth, empathy, shared laughter, cherished memories, comforting moments, mutual effort, and a commitment to prioritizing each other are all signs that your relationship still has hope. If these qualities are present, even in small ways, it may be worth investing further in your partnership. Couples therapy can offer guidance and tools to help you navigate challenges and strengthen your bond. At the end of the day, hope is not just a feeling—it’s a choice to see the potential for connection, even when the path forward isn’t clear.
References
- https://www.bustle.com/p/7-critical-signs-theres-still-hope-for-your-relationship-according-to-a-couples-therapist-7865841
- https://www.bustle.com/p/should-i-break-up-with-my-significant-other-8-signs-you-shouldnt-end-it-at-least-not-yet-2779784
- https://coupleslearn.com/7-signs-partner-need-couples-therapy/
- https://www.bustle.com/articles/157104-7-signs-your-relationship-needs-counseling
- https://www.bustle.com/articles/161076-12-signs-you-need-couples-counseling
- https://www.elitedaily.com/p/7-signs-you-should-break-up-with-your-partner-according-to-couples-therapists-8550335
- https://thetouchpointsolution.com/blogs/press/7-signs-your-idea-of-romance-is-actually-sabotaging-your-love-life
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAhy4BYzYdM
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