How to Support Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Empathy and clear boundaries foster more stable, trusting relationships.

By Sneha Tete, Integrated MA, Certified Relationship Coach

Created on Sep 22, 2025

Empathy and clear boundaries foster more stable, trusting relationships.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition marked by emotional instability, intense interpersonal relationships, impulsivity, and pervasive difficulties in managing feelings. Supporting a loved one with BPD can present unique challenges, but understanding the disorder and developing effective support strategies can foster both recovery and healthier relationships.

What Is Borderline Personality Disorder?

BPD is characterized by patterns of unstable moods, behaviors, and relationships. People with BPD may experience:

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Intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety.
Difficulty managing emotions and impulses.
Chronic feelings of emptiness.
Fear of abandonment and unstable relationships.
Self-harming behaviors or suicidality.

Understanding the Impact on Loved Ones

Loving someone with BPD can be emotionally taxing. Sudden mood changes and unpredictable behaviors often leave partners, friends, or family members feeling confused, hurt, or helpless. Recognizing that these patterns stem from a genuine psychological struggle — not intentional malice — is essential for empathetic support.

The Importance of Compassion

Empathy and validation go a long way toward building trust. Approach conversations with:

Patience — Accept that progress may be slow and setbacks are normal.
Active listening — Acknowledge their experiences and emotions without judgment.
Non-reactivity — Try not to take outbursts personally and focus on de-escalation.

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Recognizing BPD Symptoms

Common symptoms include:

Extreme reactions to minor stresses.
Frequent mood swings or rapid changes in opinion toward themselves or others.
Impulsive or risky behaviors (spending sprees, substance abuse, unsafe sex).
Self-harm or recurrent suicidal threats.
Difficulty trusting others; intense fear of abandonment.

Knowing these signs helps you respond more effectively and compassionately.

Treatment Options for Borderline Personality Disorder

Expert endorsement: The mainstay of BPD management is psychotherapy, also known as ‘talk therapy.’ Medication may help with co-occurring symptoms, but does not cure BPD itself.

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Types of Therapy

Therapy Type	Main Features
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)	Emphasizes mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal skills.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)	Focuses on changing problematic thought patterns and behaviors; improves coping skills.
Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT)	Enhances awareness of internal states and perspectives — thinking before reacting.
Transference-Focused Therapy (TFP)	Centers on understanding emotions and relationship difficulties within the therapeutic process.
Schema Therapy	Helps identify and change deep-seated patterns driving dysfunctional behaviors.
STEPPS Program	Structured group therapy focused on emotional regulation and problem solving, often involving family or caregivers.

Medication

There are no medications specifically approved for BPD; however, psychiatric drugs, such as antidepressants or mood stabilizers, may address symptoms like depression, impulsivity, or anxiety. Any medication plan should be carefully discussed with a qualified provider due to possible side effects and limited supporting evidence.

Role of Family and Support System

Therapy for caregivers is often recommended to:

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Help families learn strategies to support loved ones.
Educate about the disorder — its challenges, prognosis, and coping mechanisms.
Reduce unintentional behaviors that might exacerbate symptoms.

How to Help Someone with BPD

Supporting someone with BPD involves a multifaceted, compassionate approach. Here are pivotal strategies for caregivers, partners, and friends:

Educate Yourself

Learn the facts about BPD from reputable mental health sources.
Join support groups for both individuals with BPD and their families.
Avoid misinformation and stigma — understanding fosters empathy.

Practice Healthy Communication

Set clear boundaries while remaining supportive.
Avoid accusations or blame; focus on expressing your feelings honestly.
Stay calm during emotional storms. Use non-defensive language and offer encouragement rather than criticism.

Encourage Professional Treatment

Support your loved one in accessing therapy and adhering to treatment plans.
Attend family or group sessions if recommended and feasible.
Respect their autonomy in making health decisions.

Foster Self-Care and Healthy Routines

Promote regular exercise, nutrition, and sleep hygiene.
Encourage activities that provide joy and stress relief (reading, nature walks, hobbies).
Monitor for signs of self-harm or declining mental health, and seek professional help as needed.

Know Your Limits

Understand that you cannot ‘fix’ someone else’s mental health challenges.
Recognize early signs of caregiver burnout.
Consider seeing a therapist yourself; support is as vital for caregivers as for those with BPD.

Setting Boundaries and Maintaining Your Wellbeing

It is critical for families and friends to establish healthy boundaries. BPD can lead to emotionally intense exchanges, frequent crises, or even manipulation, usually as a response to distress, not conscious malice.

Communicate requirements gently but clearly (e.g., “I need to take a break right now; let’s continue this discussion later”).
Avoid enabling destructive or abusive behaviors. Separate caring from rescuing.
Take breaks as needed. Brief distance helps both parties reset and reflect.
Hold a united front with other family members — consistency in boundaries decreases manipulation and confusion.

Responding to Crisis Situations

Suicidal thoughts, self-harm, or threats may arise during acute distress. In times of crisis:

Stay calm. Reassure your loved one that you care and want to keep them safe.
If immediate danger is present, do not hesitate to seek emergency help.
Listen attentively; avoid dismissing their feelings or making promises you cannot keep.
After stabilization, encourage following up with therapists and mental health professionals.

Keep a list of local crisis resources and suicide prevention lifelines readily available for both yourself and your loved one. Encourage open discussion in advance about how you’ll respond to crises.

Support Groups and Resources

Consider joining a support group for families, such as NAMI or DBSA.
Seek out educational materials and reputable online forums.
Family and caregiver therapy can enhance communication and resilience.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q: Can borderline personality disorder improve with treatment?

A: Yes. Psychotherapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can significantly reduce symptoms and improve quality of life. Long-term commitment and support are essential for ongoing progress.

Q: Should medications be used for BPD?

A: While medications may help with related issues like depression or anxiety, they do not treat core BPD symptoms directly. Therapy remains the primary approach.

Q: What should I do during a crisis?

A: Always prioritize safety. If your loved one threatens self-harm or suicide, contact emergency services and stay with them. Afterwards, encourage follow-up with mental health professionals.

Q: How do I balance supporting my loved one and caring for myself?

A: Set firm boundaries, engage in self-care, and seek support from professionals or peer groups. Healthy caregivers are better able to provide sustained help.

Q: Can people with BPD maintain healthy relationships?

A: With proper treatment and support, individuals with BPD can form and sustain meaningful relationships, especially when those around them understand the condition and maintain healthy boundaries.

Key Takeaways for Caregivers

Patience, education, and compassion are vital.
Therapy — especially DBT — provides the best outcomes.
Boundaries maintain safety and relationship health.
Self-care for caregivers is not a luxury, but a necessity.
Hope: With support and treatment, recovery is possible, and many people with BPD lead fulfilling lives.

Where to Find More Help

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): In-depth resources on BPD causes, symptoms, and treatments.
Local mental health organizations: Support groups and educational programs.
Licensed mental health professionals: Assessment, diagnosis, therapy, and medication management.

If you or your loved one are struggling, reach out to a mental health provider, crisis helpline, or your primary care physician for guidance. Compassionate support, education, and professional intervention make recovery possible.

References

Author

Sneha TeteBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

Sneha is a relationships and lifestyle writer with a strong foundation in applied linguistics and certified training in relationship coaching. She brings over five years of writing experience to thebridalbox, crafting thoughtful, research-driven content that empowers readers to build healthier relationships, boost emotional well-being, and embrace holistic living.

Read full bio of Sneha Tete