How to Heal and Move On: Expert Guidance on Getting Over a Breakup
Embracing self-care and new routines can transform heartbreak into personal growth.
How to Get Over a Breakup: Expert-Backed Strategies for Healing and Happiness
Breaking up is rarely easy and can bring on a wave of emotions—sadness, anger, confusion, and sometimes even relief. Modern research and mental health experts agree: healing from heartbreak involves intentional self-care, structured coping strategies, and granting yourself time to recover. If you’re struggling to move on from a breakup, take heart. Science-backed advice and practical steps can help you rediscover yourself and feel whole again.
Why Breakups Are So Painful
Ending a relationship can feel like losing a part of yourself. Studies show that romantic bonds activate brain circuits linked to both pleasure and pain, making breakups psychologically and even physically stressful. Emotional bonds don’t sever overnight—your brain needs time to adjust to the loss and rebuild new routines and neural pathways.
- Attachment: Intimate bonds trigger hormonal and neurological responses that foster deep attachment. The loss can create symptoms similar to withdrawal.
- Identity: Relationships often become central to how we see ourselves. Their end leaves many questioning their roles and self-worth.
- Routine Disruption: From daily texts to weekend plans, breakups upend established routines, amplifying feelings of void and uncertainty.
Therapist-Approved Strategies to Move On After a Breakup
The pain of a breakup can feel all-consuming, but clinical psychologists and relationship counselors recommend a series of actionable steps to soothe grief, regain perspective, and emerge stronger.
1. Allow Yourself to Feel and Grieve
Suppressing your emotions can prolong recovery. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, or lost—these emotions are part of processing loss. Permit yourself to grieve in healthy ways, whether through talking to trusted friends, journaling, or simply recognizing your emotions as valid.
- Recognize that healing is nonlinear. Progress won’t be a straight line; expect ups and downs.
- Try expressive writing to clarify thoughts and feelings. Research shows focusing on positive aspects of the breakup during journaling can foster mental health and growth.
- Allow tears when they come but set gentle boundaries—if rumination takes over, redirect attention to grounding activities.
2. Go No-Contact (or Set Healthy Boundaries)
The urge to reach out to your ex can be overwhelming, but studies suggest that no-contact is one of the most effective paths to faster emotional recovery. Those who maintain contact tend to experience prolonged heartbreak and rumination.
- Unfollow or mute your ex’s social media accounts to avoid unwanted triggers and emotional setbacks.
- If you must stay in touch due to shared responsibilities (like co-parenting), keep boundaries clear and communication brief and focused on logistics.
- Delete old texts and photos—out of sight can help lead to out of mind.
3. Lean on Your Support System
Isolation can exacerbate heartbreak. Surrounding yourself with compassionate friends and family helps buffer emotional pain and provides alternative sources of connection and affirmation.
- Initiate plans, even if you don’t feel like socializing. New activities with friends can stimulate reward circuits in the brain and distract from loss.
- Share your feelings but also find moments to enjoy company without discussing the breakup.
- Reconnect with supportive people you may have lost touch with during your relationship.
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4. Reclaim and Expand Your Identity
Relationships often lead us to sacrifice personal interests. Now is the time to rediscover activities that bring you joy and fuel personal growth.
- Return to hobbies you enjoyed pre-relationship or explore new interests—anything from painting to hiking, volunteering to traveling.
- Let yourself try new things. Research confirms that self-expanding activities bolster confidence, relieve sadness, and accelerate emotional recovery.
- Set small, achievable goals each week to build momentum and break free from the inertia of grief.
5. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
Mindfulness—non-judgmentally observing your thoughts and feelings—has proven benefits for emotional regulation. Likewise, treating yourself with compassion, rather than self-criticism, lays the foundation for true healing.
- Try guided meditations focused on healing or release.
- Practice deep breathing or body scans during moments of acute distress.
- Remind yourself that you are not alone; many have navigated the pain of breakup and emerged stronger.
6. Prioritize Physical Self-Care
Physical habits and emotional wellness are deeply connected. Aim to create healthy routines that nurture both body and mind.
- Stick to a regular sleep schedule even if you find it hard to rest at first.
- Eat nourishing foods, stay hydrated, and avoid excessive reliance on comfort foods or substances.
- Exercise regularly: even gentle walks outdoors can boost mood, decrease anxiety, and improve sleep.
7. Set Structure and Embrace New Routines
Breakups can upend your daily life. Introducing structure—regular work hours, scheduled meals, consistent exercise—offers stability during a tumultuous time.
- Plan your days. Write down priorities, even simple ones, to give a sense of accomplishment.
- Balance alone time with planned social or recreational activities.
8. Limit Social Media Use
Scrolling through your ex’s updates can reopen wounds and block recovery. Social media is designed for comparison, which can fuel unhealthy narratives about who is “doing better” post-breakup.
- Set daily time limits for social media usage or try a temporary digital detox.
- Curate your feeds. Replace reminders of your ex with uplifting or inspiring accounts.
9. Embrace Occasional Indulgence—But Not as a Pattern
Allow yourself simple comforts like your favorite snacks, a movie marathon, or a lazy Sunday—these moments provide brief reprieve and nurture. However, beware of repeated escapism, which may delay meaningful healing.
10. Reflect on the Relationship With Honesty
It’s easy to romanticize your ex or their positive traits after a breakup. Take time to remind yourself of the reasons for the split and the aspects of the relationship that were unfulfilling or problematic. This clarity helps the mind let go and accept the end.
- List out the negatives as well as the positives to reinforce perspective.
- Consider what you want—and don’t want—in future relationships.
When Should You Seek Professional Help?
While most people heal from heartbreak with time and support, sometimes the pain lingers or intensifies, interfering with daily life. Signs you may benefit from therapy include:
- Constant or worsening feelings of depression, guilt, or worthlessness
- Difficulty functioning at work or home
- Reliance on alcohol, food, or substances to numb emotional pain
- Loss of hope or interest in activities you once enjoyed
- Thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness
If you recognize these patterns, reaching out to a mental health professional can provide tailored strategies, coping skills, and a non-judgmental space for healing.
Table: Quick Reference Guide for Getting Over a Breakup
| Strategy | Benefits | How to Start |
|---|---|---|
| Feel & Process Emotions | Reduces internal stress, allows for authentic healing | Write daily reflections; permit full range of feelings |
| No-Contact Rule | Promotes faster emotional detachment and clarity | Unfollow, delete texts/photos, establish clear boundaries |
| Lean on Support Network | Buffers loneliness, builds new memories | Reach out, schedule activities, join groups |
| Physical Self-Care | Boosts mood, aids sleep, improves resilience | Set exercise and sleep routine, nourish body |
| Rediscover Identity & Hobbies | Rebuilds confidence, instills joy | Try a new hobby, revisit old passions, volunteer |
| Limit Social Media | Prevents setbacks, reduces harmful comparison | Time-limited use, curating feeds, detox if needed |
| Professional Therapy | Personalized support, addresses complex emotions | Seek licensed psychologist or counselor |
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q: How long does it take to get over a breakup?
A: The timeline varies widely depending on the length of the relationship, attachment style, and coping skills. Some people feel better within weeks; others require months. Most research indicates significant improvement within three to six months, especially with intentional self-care.
Q: Is it okay to stay friends with my ex?
A: In most cases, experts recommend a period of no-contact before considering friendship. Remaining close immediately after a breakup can prolong emotional pain and interfere with healing. If you share children or professional ties, prioritize clear boundaries.
Q: Should I delete my ex from social media?
A: Yes. Limiting your ex’s presence online prevents setbacks, reduces temptation to dwell or compare, and aids faster recovery.
Q: What if I feel guilty or responsible for the breakup?
A: Guilt is a common response—reflect on your role with honesty but avoid self-blame. Learn from what happened without over-personalizing or burdening yourself unduly. Therapy can help reframe these feelings productively.
Q: When will I feel like myself again?
A: All emotions—grief, anger, wistfulness—diminish with time and healthy coping. As you build new routines and invest in yourself, a renewed sense of confidence, energy, and hope will gradually return.
Final Thoughts: Thriving After Heartbreak
Healing from a breakup doesn’t mean erasing memories or denying past happiness. It’s about tending to your emotional wounds, nurturing resilience, and bravely moving forward. By treating yourself with patience and compassion, seeking support, and exploring new interests, you can rediscover a fulfilling life—and open the door to future possibilities, love, and growth.
References
- https://www.unh.edu/pacs/break-ups-how-help-yourself-move
- https://www.prevention.com/sex/relationships/a37500981/how-to-deal-with-a-breakup/
- https://www.thisbatteredsuitcase.com/how-to-get-over-a-tough-breakup/
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6051550/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202402/how-and-how-not-to-get-over-a-breakup
- https://www.wondermind.com/article/how-to-get-over-a-breakup/
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10727987/
- https://markmanson.net/how-to-get-over-someone
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