75+ Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes to Share Laughter and Love
Inject wit into your cards and messages with playful one-liners that spark genuine smiles.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t just have to be about sweet nothings and grand romance—it’s also the perfect time to share a laugh with the special people in your life. Whether you’re looking for the perfect one-liner to scribble in a card, something light-hearted to text your partner, or a clever saying to post on social media, we’ve gathered over 75 of the funniest, wittiest, and most memorable Valentine’s Day quotes from comedians, authors, celebrities, and more. Use these to brighten up your day and spread smiles wherever love is celebrated!
Why Funny Quotes Make Valentine’s Day Even Sweeter
Love should make you smile. The best relationships are filled with laughter—inside jokes, shared silliness, and the ability to smile at life’s little quirks. This Valentine’s Day, lighten the mood with a funny quote to show that romance can be goofy and that laughter is an essential ingredient for lasting love.
- They break the ice in new relationships.
- They remind long-term couples not to take things too seriously.
- They’re perfect for friends, family, and colleagues—you don’t have to be romantically involved to share the love and the laughs.
- Funny quotes make your card stand out from the pile of sappy sentiments.
Classic Celebrity Comedy: Famous Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
Comedians, writers, and public figures have delivered some of the most memorable quips about love and marriage. Amp up your Valentine’s Day note with wisdom—and wit—from these icons.
- Jim Gaffigan: “Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.”
- Tom Robbins: “The only bubble in the flat champagne of February is Valentine’s Day.”
- Jay Leno: “Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day.”
- Oscar Wilde: “One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”
- Fran Lebowitz: “Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.”
- Christopher Marlowe: “Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.”
- Dolly Parton: “The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.”
- Garry Shandling: “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”
- Jacques Torres: “My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.”
- Nora Ephron: “Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.”
- Chris Rock: “There are only three things women need in life: food, water and compliments.”
Humor About Love and Marriage: Sarcastic Truths
For couples who know romance doesn’t end at the altar—and sometimes the real fun only starts once the honeymoon’s over! Try these gently sarcastic, yet relatable quotes about love, marriage, and everything in between.
- Pauline Thomason: “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
- H. L. Mencken: “Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.”
- Plato: “Love is a grave mental illness.”
- Dax Shepard: “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.”
- Sandra Shea: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry – but I highly recommend you say it anyway.”
- Sarah Kelly: “Will you be my Valentine? That was a rhetorical question. We’re married.”
- Unknown: “Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.”
- Nora Ephron: “Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.”
Cute and Quirky Valentine’s Day Quotes
Looking for something playful and light? These adorable quotes are perfect for couples who don’t take themselves—or the holiday—too seriously. Add some charm, a dash of nerdiness, or a little sass!
- “Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” – Bree Luckey
- “Who wears the pants in our relationship? We prefer it when neither of us are wearing pants.” – Felix Cited
- “You rainbow-infused space unicorn.” – Leslie Knope
- “You still make me laugh. You still give me butterflies. And I’m still falling for you every single day.”
- “We’ve got great chemistry!”
- “Are you a 90-degree angle? Because this feels right.”
- “Love you a latte.”
- “You are juice the sweetest!”
- “Unbeerlievable that you’re mine.”
- “Been thinking of U periodically.”
Perfect One-Liners for Texting and Social Media
Keep it short and sweet (or silly)! These bite-sized quotes are ideal for social captions, quick messages, or those last-minute texts to your Valentine.
- “Will you be my Valentine? That was a rhetorical question.”
- “I love you more than my phone. And that’s saying something!”
- “You’re my favorite notification.”
- “You’re the cheese to my macaroni.”
- “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.”
- “Happy Valentine’s Day! Here’s to pretending we like PDA on Instagram.”
What others are reading
Science, Math, and Food-Inspired Valentine’s Day Puns
Inject some geeky or foodie fun into your Valentine’s greetings with these clever puns. They’re the perfect blend of clever wordplay and sweet intentions!
Science and Math-Inspired Puns
- “We’ve got great chemistry!”
- “I aorta tell you how much I love you.”
- “Are you copper and tellurium? Because you are Cu Te!”
- “You’re pretty acute, Valentine.”
- “Are you a 30-degree angle? Because you’re acute-y!”
- “You are the most perfect arrangement of atoms.”
Drink and Food-Inspired Puns
- “You’re my cup of tea, Valentine.”
- “Love you a latte.”
- “I can’t espresso how much I love you.”
- “Love you very matcha.”
- “Soda-rn cute.”
- “You had me at merlot!”
- “Unbeerlievable that you’re mine.”
- “Let’s get into the Valentine’s Day spirits!”
For Singles, Friends, and Galentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day isn’t just for couples! Celebrate friendships and solo love with these quotes designed to make your friends smile. Perfect for Galentine’s Day cards or just to spread positive vibes.
- “Happy Valentine’s Day to my emergency contact person.”
- “You’re the donut to my coffee.”
- “I love all of you, but especially your taste in friends.”
- “To the person who’s seen me at my worst and still answers my texts—Happy Valentine’s Day!”
- “Besties before the resties!”
- “Who needs Cupid when you have friends like these?”
- “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m so grateful to have friends like you!”
Classic Romantic Sayings with a Witty Twist
Even timeless declarations of love get an upgrade with a hint of humor. Pair a little romance with some wit in your Valentine’s Day message.
| Author/Source | Quote |
|---|---|
| James Thurber | “Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” |
| Jodi Picoult | “You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.” |
| Alfred Tennyson | “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.” |
| Voltaire | “Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.” |
| Keith Urban | “When you put your arms around me, you let me know there’s nothing in this world I can’t do.” |
| Prince Albert | “Even in my dreams I never imagined that I should find so much love on earth.” |
| John Krasinski | “When you’re lucky enough to meet your one person, then life takes a turn for the best. It can’t get better than that.” |
Quotes for Couples and Spouses
Whether you’re a new couple, celebrating decades together, or somewhere in between, these quotes say what’s in your heart—and a little bit on your funny bone.
- “Every day is Valentine’s Day when I’m with you, my love.”
- “To another Valentine’s Day spent with the love of my life, and to many more.”
- “You’re the one. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my whole life.”
- “To my hubby/wife on this Valentine’s Day, I’m yours forever.”
- “Roses are red, violets are blue, life wouldn’t be as sweet without you. Happy Valentine’s Day!”
- “As if you don’t make every day special already, now we get to celebrate V-day together, too. Love you!”
- “I would choose you again and again. Happy Valentine’s Day to the man/woman of my dreams.”
- “You still give me butterflies, and I’m still falling for you every single day.”
For the Mildly Cynical (But Still Loving)
Need something a little cheeky? For those who don’t go for flowery prose but still want to let someone know they care, these are the perfect blend of affection and sarcasm.
- “I really, really like you, even if my resting face says otherwise.” – Fay Collins
- “Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.”
- “My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships.”
- “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni
- “Marriage is great if you like being told what to do by someone who’s always right.”
- “You had me at ‘we hate the same people’.”
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q: Can I use these funny Valentine’s Day quotes on social media?
A: Absolutely! Most of these quotes are perfect for Instagram captions, Facebook posts, or stories. Just remember to credit the original author when possible.
Q: Are these quotes suitable for kids or classrooms?
A: Many are lighthearted and family-friendly, but a few are meant for adult humor. Review each quote before sharing with children or in public settings.
Q: How can I personalize a funny Valentine’s Day quote?
A: Pair your favorite quote with a personal note, an inside joke, or a memory you share. Reference your relationship or add your own twist to make it unique.
Q: What’s the best way to make someone laugh on Valentine’s Day?
A: Combine a truly funny quote with a small gesture—like a homemade card, a silly drawing, or a playful gift. Laughter is a gift in itself!
Q: What if my partner doesn’t like cheesy jokes?
A: No problem! Pick a quote that matches both your sense of humor—whether it’s heartfelt, sarcastic, or just plain silly. The goal is to connect and have fun.
No matter who you’re celebrating with, Valentine’s Day is better with a shared smile. Whether you love puns, clever one-liners, or gentle digs, let your message remind your loved ones that happiness—and laughter—are at the heart of any good romance.
References
- https://www.positivityblog.com/funny-valentines-day-quotes/
- https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/holidays-celebrations/g38486889/funny-valentines-day-quotes/
- https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/holidays-celebrations/a38594811/valentines-day-wishes-messages/
- https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/holidays-celebrations/g35153363/valentines-day-quotes/
- https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/holidays-celebrations/a35132710/valentines-day-puns/
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